Mmmm, who doesn’t love a little fantasy now and then? A daydream which makes the commute a bit less dull, a secret wish you haven’t yet dared to share with your lover, a hot memory of that one time with the cutie who chatted you up on the subway—what?!

Fantasy can be a great way to facilitate solo play or spice up routine lovemaking with your partner (hey, it happens to the best of us) but what about when your mind brings up a vivid flash of something that happened with someone else and that’s what pushes you over the edge? Is it cheating? Does it make you a bad lover?

Of course not.

Although it’s not unusual to develop a fantasy around an anonymous lover or someone unattainable (Johnny Depp? Can’t just be me), our erotic memories live in our minds and can be accessed to fuel present passions. A scent, a song, the play of light in that room by the beach, the tingling imprint left by a lover’s hand long ago… Any of these could be used to boost your arousal during sex.

And why not? So long as you’re not yelling “Oh, Johnny!” when you’re in bed with Brad, let those fantasies and memories energize you. It doesn’t mean you want your ex back, just that you had lots of fun together. Especially when masturbating, any fantasy which helps you is fair game. If you’re with a partner, yes, you do want to be present to that person, but if your mind wanders… let it go and enjoy! Besides, who knows what’s going on in their head?